Tuesday, February 7, 2012

and then my heart exploded

It was a year ago last Tuesday that I met Andrew on base and told him I was pregnant.

I used to daydream about the kind of father he was going to be. I knew he was going to be a great one, but I couldn't really picture it. We were never around many babies or kids before Jack, so I didn't have a point of comparison. He always said he didn't know what to do with babies and evidenced by the fact that he didn't know why we needed to buy a crib mattress when clearly, a stack of blankets would suffice, he was right. He had no idea. And I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a little concern as my due date approached.


But then October 16, 2011 happened.

And right before my eyes, Andrew turned into a father. The diaper changes, the swaddles, the gentleness, the kisses. They came upon that hospital room so quickly and so sincerely that I wondered how I'd missed it all these years. Of course he would be an amazing father.


And now here we are, almost four months later, and sometimes I can't breathe when I see them together. It's like my heart is right there on the outside.


The sweetness, the squeals of laughter, the joy. Spilling out of the room at the top of the stairs at bedtime. Or in the living room while I cook dinner. Or right in front of me, when Andrew comes home from work and Jack flashes that smile when he sees him. And every time I think, I am so blessed.


I could rattle off the things that make Andrew a great father and husband - like how he handles all the diaper changes on the weekends, always gets Jack ready for bed if he's home in time and helps with laundry or dinner or whatever else is on my list the minute he walks in the door. But none of those things make the point quite like his face when he looks at our son.

It's all over, in his eyes and his laugher, and it's so obvious that he's so in love.


And so am I.

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