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There is something that has crept into my mom heart that I didn't expect. I was prepared for a few things and felt armed to fight them:
Inadequacy.
Guilt.
Fear.
Those things that try to steal the joy of mothers everywhere, by whispering you're just not good enough, are you? I know enough amazing mothers to know that those feelings come with the territory, so I'm not surprised when I feel them and I just get to praying that my little heart won't let it sink it.
But there's something else, y'all.
Comparison. Talk about a joy-stealer.
I was going to list some of the thoughts that dance through my mind when I see another young mother, the thoughts that force me to compare myself to her and determine that I'm just not good enough, am I? But I don't think that would bless anyone here and I'm not going to allow myself to spend any more time on those thoughts that I already do.
The point is that it's disgusting.
I'm a good mom, you know? I love my kid. I mean, I really love him. And he knows it! You should see how that boy lights up when he sees me. And I take care of him. And I teach him things and I help him grow and I am a good mother. A good one.
This morning, I realized that it's time to get real about defeating this whole comparison thing. I've been wallowing in it a bit, really, and using it to try and be betterbetterbetter. But I'm completely robbing God of the glory for the work He's done in me by not believing that what He's done in me is good.
It's good, Page. You are a good work.
Jack needs a confident mom. One who loves like Jesus and gives grace like Jesus and serves like Jesus. And Jesus surely didn't look to others to determine who and how to be. He looked to one Other and that was the only one that mattered.
So I'm committing to kick this habit. No more comparison! No more.
I ordered this print from Naptime Diaries, because I'm determined to drill it into my heart. I plan on hanging it somewhere so it's in my face 342x a day.
That's truth right there, y'all. And I'm bound and determined to believe it.
For real, it's truth. I don't know if I've commented before, but I've been following along for awhile (wow, that all of a sudden sounds stalker-ish...oh boy...). I also did not expect to struggle so much with comparison and the mom guilt, but I do. It's hard, and you are exactly right...we need to fight it. Because God has named us and has told us what we are and Whose we are - and we need to learn to cling to it.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you're not just a good mom. YOU are an OUTSTANDING mom! You amaze me! You are basically raising that boy of yours solo. Raising kids is way hard and I don't know if I could have done what you are doing. You keep your head up. You are changing the world one diaper at a time. :)
ReplyDeleteDon't forget, Page, that the comparison thing that will creep into your heart next is comparing Jack to all the other kids. He's better, he's not. That falls into the same category as what you've just discussed. So arm yourself for that battle because it's coming.
ReplyDeleteI see God's work in you, and it's evident in this self-realization. Keep on praying - it's the best way to meet every day and each of life's challenges! :-)