Tuesday, December 7, 2010

how i became a mrs. (part 2)

If you're looking for part 1 of this loooove story, you can check it out here.

So I got the braces off. (Note: if you're wondering what on earth this has to do with "the story of us" that I intended to write, I promise there is a point. Just go with it.) I got my braces off and my whole world changed. My whole 10th grade, awkward, are-you-going-to-her-bday-party? world just changed. Overnight. It was like, "that Gumby-like creature with brown hair is a girl? Ooohhhh." For real. And I had my first date. Dennis Mitchell took me to see John Q. And then we sprung for a burger at McDonalds. Romantic, I know. But for the first time in my 16 years, I felt pretty. That was big. The date didn't turn into anything, but I'm still thankful for it. It's a good day when a girl feels pretty for the first time. (If you're reading this Dennis, you were precious. Really.)

And then there was the boy that made me laugh in between 4th period and tennis practice. Who eventually became the boy that I loved with all of my 16-year-old heart. As much as sixteen-year-olds can be in love, we were. And it stayed that way through my sophomore year. And my junior year. And my senior year and if we're being honest, even into college. We broke up when I was still a senior in high school, but those things never really go away, you know. I still think that when my sweet daughter has her first heartbreak, he's the story that I'll tell. Your first love stays with you that way.

There were a handful of other boys in between, as is often the case during those dreadful years. But in college, after shaking off the high school-ness of my love life, I was determined to find a "nice Christian boy" to be my boyfriend. So I crushed on every nice Christian boy that I met. I didn't want to fall in love and get married, but I did want to meet a nice Christian boy. Like you can meet one and not marry him. Yeah right. Campus Crusade for Christ is like a long, drawn-out version of The Dating Game. The weekly meetings in the Spring were like giant engagement parties. I did meet one of these said Christian boys, who broke up with me after a few weeks by saying that I was like "opening a door to a new place and realizing I didn't want to go there after all." THAT was awesome. And good for the self-esteem. Christian Boys 1, Page 0. That talk resulted in a late-night milkshake run with Martha and Erin, where we decided that all boys are just dumb.

Next up was the boy who lived at the end of my hall. The first boy who made it all seem easy - he liked me for me (but not in an over-zealous way) and he was so good to me. It was like a lightbulb moment for me, where I realized that yes, you can be adored. And yes, you can always be treated well. And yes, he can be fun to be around. And yes, he can also be good-looking. He does exist! But the timing was off and our goals were different and even though it was one of the saddest right things I'd ever done in my life, I broke up with him outside of an ice cream shop. (After he had surprised me purple daisies. Burn.)

Again, I promise this all has a point. But what's a story without a little context? The truth is that all along the way, I was missing one major point: those boys didn't define Page Johnson. They didn't get to decide if she was pretty or funny or worth spending money on at McDonald's. There is Someone else that gets to call those shots. And He already did, long before I got my braces off. But not knowing that led me straight to one of the darkest seasons of my life. And I pray, pray, pray for the little girl that isn't even mine yet, that she may know that truth before it eats away at her. Because really, boys are just dumb.

Stay tuned for part 3...

3 friends said...:

  1. Love your honestry and truthfulness Page!

  2. oh girl i will help you out because you know aunt laura can drop some knowledge on your little girl! i will tell her how she can be awesome without having a man in her life!! bring it on...

  3. I have no idea how I found your blog but I am so glad that I did! I can't wait to hear part 3... you are an excellent writer and very entertaining, you give me hope. Thank you so much!



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