Wednesday, December 7, 2011

the 2011 christmas tree adventure (aka: that time I almost lost my mind)

You all know the image I'm talking about.

The one of the precious little family in their coordinating red and green outfits, smiling as they walk along the snowy path, looking for the magical tree to take home for baby's first Christmas. You know, kind of like this:

I had some small variation of that idea in my head last Tuesday.

Andrew finally had a day off from work, so it was time to get the tree. It was chilly enough for Jack to wear his cute sweater and hat, but not too cold that we would be uncomfortable. It was going to be perfect. I had the whole day planned out: Andrew would string the lights outside that morning, then we'd go to lunch, go to the Christmas tree farm (photo op!) and then spend the evening with James Taylor singing Christmas tunes in the background while we sipped hot cider and decorated the tree. Like I said, it was going to be perfect.

But then.

Aside: I now know to never, ever, ever make plans when you have a baby. Ever.

But then, Jack went down for a nap later than usual and slept for longer than usual, so by the time we got the lights put up, grabbed lunch and went to Lowes to pick up an extension cord, it was nearing 5pm. Which meant that it would be getting dark soon and it was almost time to feed Jack. To simplify things (and give myself grace!) I decided that we could forgo the picturesque tree farm and just pick out a tree from Lowes. It would be easier and faster and we'd find one that was just as good. So we got our tree, strapped it to the hood of the Jeep and off we went. Christmas tree, check!

Then I had this lovely idea that Andrew should drive down Main Street on the way home to see if the town had put up their tree yet. If we couldn't get our Christmas fix from the tree farm, we could at least salvage some of the Christmas spirit by seeing a beautiful tree in the town square. We turned onto Main Street and hit a wall of traffic. Oh hey, rush hour. And no, they haven't put up the tree yet - they're actually doing that right now! Oh hey, closed off streets.

Oh hey, fussy baby in the back who is ready to eat. NOW.

Here's what happened next:

Turn down Luke street to see if we can cut over.
Stopped in traffic. Jack is crying. Stopped in traffic. Jack is screaming.
I'm going to hop in the back seat and see if I can console him.
Try to open the door.
Andrew, you tied the door shut when you tied on the Christmas tree!
Jack is screaming. Stopped in traffic.
This is fun. Turn on some music to see if that calms him down.
Classical music ON. Jack is screaming.
Merry Christmas!
Stopped in traffic. Jack is screaming.
I have to get back there.
Take off my boots so as not to knock anyone out in the process. Jack is screaming to the point of choking himself. Andrew turns up the music.
Merry Christmas!
I have no choice but to do the hover-and-feed. Throw myself over the car seat to feed my starving child.
He calmed down fast.
Traffic starts moving.
That's because I'm feeding him.
Andrew turns around.
Wow, Christmas sure is a lot different than it was last year.

And then we got home and collapsed from exhaustion.

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

5 friends said...:

  1. LOVE it! (probably because it sounds like just about every "tender memory" I've tried to create in the past 2 1/2 years! :o)

  2. I actually laughed out loud here in my office as I read this entry. Having children sure changes EVERYTHING!

  3. That is just one of the funniest things I have heard! Love the way you wrote it!

  4. oh, yes. This story made me laugh (whole nodding the whole time because we have certainly been there). I can not tell you how many times I have had this perfect image in my mind of how "Christmas tree day" should go, only to have a child throw up in the car, or pitch a fit, or refuse to get out of the car. Ah yes, Merry Christmas indeed :)
    Oh! and the hover and feed. Been there a lot too :)

  5. Okay, I think you could send this into some kind of Christmas family story contest (does Reader's Digest still exist?) and win a big prize (like a five-year subscription!). Hilarious in hindsight, or if you weren't there. In touch with your panic mode yet?

    Anyhow, thanks for sharing these stories and photos. Love them! Love you guys, too - a bunch! Looking forward to seeing you in person this weekend ...


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