that last post, part 2

It wasn't supposed to have a part 2, but it just happened.

First, let me say this about our home group (aka bible study): it is full of the most honest, sincere, loving and real people I know. I'm blessed to call them my friends.

For the last few weeks, we've been doing a study on temptation. Not necessarily the temptation to sin, although that's been covered, but the temptation to fall out of fellowship with God by not trusting Him to be who He says He is. That's a totally different kind of temptation that I never really thought about.

I've been working through these feelings of anxiety and worry lately. Honestly? Some moments I feel so much peace. And others I have to "take those thoughts captive" (as my Nanny would say) and claim that peace more aggressively.

At our home group tonight, we talked about how God provided manna - daily - for the Israelites. Not weekly, monthly, yearly. Daily. He was essentially forcing them to trust him and rely on him.

This brought to mind a thought that was quite freeing: I need strength only for today.

Today, I will trust God.

Today, I will not fret.

Today, I choose peace.

And joy.

And hope.

Today.

When I fret, it's as if I've forgotten that God isn't aware of my needs. He is so painfully aware of them. And it's as if I'm telling Him that I don't believe He'll take care of me. He has always taken care of me. It's as if I have no source of peace. I have the source of peace.

When Jesus was in the desert and met by the Devil, these were the temptations:

• Would he fall out of fellowship with God?
• Would he doubt God's ability to sustain him?

I don't (usually) fret about big things like finances or hunger or health or relationships. But what's at stake then is the same as when I fret about the little things: fellowship with God and my faith.

First of all, the thought of falling out of fellowship with my Creator brings tears to my eyes. I don't know who I am apart from that relationship.

But my faith? On some days it's what makes me want to sing to Him, like it's only the two of us. And on other days it's the only reason I can put one foot in front of the other.

My faith that He will sustain.

That He will provide.

That He will love me through the pain and uncertainty and confusion.

That He will be - just be - exactly who He has always been.

So today, I choose not to doubt Him. Today, I choose to remember who He is and cling to that. Today, I choose to let that peace fill my heart.

I choose joy.

And tomorrow? Tomorrow will just have to worry about itself.