to jack, so i don't forget

Dear Jack,

I've been feeling sentimental about you lately, I think because your brother is on the way and I wonder how there will be room in my heart and lap for both of you. I know there will be, of course, but it's just that you're my little buddy and you have been for nineteen months (and one day) and it's hard to think that moments are coming when I can't make you feel like a priority.

I think another reason I've been so weepy when it comes to you is that you're just so darn sweet. You're certainly not like this all the time - in fact, the first few days of this week were a challenge - but I keep reminding myself that you're just learning and growing and stretching like we all do. But at your core, you are a dear. You are so loving and affectionate and every single hug or kiss or shoulder pat that you send my way makes me feel so lucky to be on the receiving end. Sometimes I feel guilty that your daddy doesn't get to soak up any of this but I have a feeling you're going to redirect a lot of this to him in a few months, so I'll take whatever I can get.

And you make me laugh all the time. Today we were driving to the aquarium and you were zoned out like you usually are in the car until Hey Ya! came on the radio and then you just came to life. You were bobbing your head and waving your hands over your head and laughing so hard that I couldn't help but do the same. You were just full of joy and I love seeing you that way.

You're growing so much and I love it, but it's hard to watch because it's happening so fast. You eat your sandwich like a big kid now, no longer needing me to break it into pieces. You can open the gate and walk up to the front door when we get out of the car. They don't make onesies that fit you anymore. And tonight when I was getting you ready for your bath, I poured a bunch of dirt out of your shoe and noticed a little farmers tan on your neck and arms and something about all of that made me feel like I was looking at a little boy, not a little baby. But I love it. I love who you are right now.

I have no idea how to be a mama to two or how my heart will stretch to accommodate that, but I know that it will happen and I hope you know that nothing will ever, ever change how much I adore you. Ever.

Ever.